I’ve ruined my life at 22: it’s time we talk about this mindset
Have you ever opened Reddit and stumbled upon posts from young adults—20, 21, 22—claiming they’ve ruined their lives? They write it with such finality, like the script has already been written.
“I’ve ruined my life,” they say. At 22.
It’s a sentiment that pops up far too often. And it’s not just Reddit. This mindset is creeping into broader social discussions about success, failure, and self-worth. But it begs the question: Where l we expect them to be by now?
The pressure cooker of modern success
Let’s unpack this. Why are so many young people convinced they’ve failed before they’ve even begun? Part of the blame lies in the unrealistic expectations society places on them. Social media, for one, is a relentless highlight reel of accomplishments: a peer who founded a startup, a 19-year-old globetrotting influencer, a 23-year-old already on Forbes’ 30 Under 30. It’s easy to feel like you’re falling behind.
But here’s the thing: success isn’t a race, and life isn’t a competition with a fixed timeline. Somewhere along the way, we’ve glorified the idea of “making it” early. If you haven’t figured everything out by 25, you’re left with the sinking feeling that you’re already too late.
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Where were they supposed to be?
It’s a valid question. Where are 22-year-olds “supposed to be”? Was there a handbook we all missed? Because most of us weren’t curing diseases or running multinational corporations by 23 either.
Life is messy, unpredictable, and nonlinear. Careers pivot. Passions change. Success builds over time. And yet, many young adults carry this crushing weight of now or never. The result? A generation of people burning out on their own expectations before they’ve even truly stepped into adulthood.
What are we doing to them?
This leads us to the bigger picture: what are we doing as a society to reinforce this destructive mindset?
Are we setting healthy examples of growth and patience?
Are we celebrating perseverance as much as we celebrate overnight success?
Are we reminding people that failing—or even just existing—is okay?
Parents, teachers, mentors, and media all have a role to play. We need to normalize the idea that it’s okay not to have everything figured out by 25, or even 35. The journey is what matters, not how fast you sprint to some arbitrary finish line.
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A better perspective
If you’re 22 and feel like you’ve “ruined your life,” here’s some unsolicited advice:
Be kinder to yourself. Seriously, you’re just starting out.
Redefine success. Focus on growth, not perfection.
Take small steps. Every tiny win matters in the long run.
Disconnect when needed. Social media isn’t reality; don’t let it dictate your worth.
And most importantly, remember this: no one has it all figured out at 22—not even the ones who look like they do.
So, take a breath. Give yourself the grace to stumble, learn, and grow. Life isn’t ruined at 22—it’s barely even started.
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